Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Slipping

How can something so important slip by unnoticed? We've all witnessed love, friendships, money just slowly drift away. It rarely happens overnight. Instead, a little bit slips away unnoticed until one day you realize it's gone.

It's that way with me and my sight. As a teenager I noticed a change in the classroom... not quite catching all the notes on the board. I noticed the details of friend's faces fading from far away. And yet, it just seemed to fade gradually to the point that if you asked me what I can and cannot see...I can't quite articulate it. I don't know what I've lost. My world is shrinking slowly; the details were slipping away unnoticed until now.

Yesterday, I had to renew my license. I didn't pass the eye exam. It wasn't a great surprise to me. I've been seeing a specialist at U of M for years, and while they can't give me a prognosis, it seemed that things would keep deteriorating. In the last few years my family has been preparing for this step. We moved to a location where I could walk to our kid’s elementary school, church, grocery store, library...still, it feels like my wings have been clipped.

I visit the optometrist next week. As my sweet sister put it...having your vision tested by the secretary of state is like having your foot measured at Payless. Ha...that still makes me chuckle! I don't want to have false hope...but, I may earn back part of my driving privileges. I may, I may not. The truth is I don't know. If there's one thing I've worked through these last few weeks, it's that I'm not a good judge of what I can see. My sight is slipping away unnoticed by me. I don't know what I can see compared to you. Somehow, I've moved past that desperate need to drive to a desire to drive only if it's safe.

I have hope. I know that my God is big enough to give me back sight. I also know that His plan might be greater for me. While I may be focused on just achieving car pool status He might have something greater. Either way, I will still say He is great. He is loving. He is good. He is in control. He wants the best for me. Glory to God...either way.

This post may be a bit heavy....but it feels good to share. After all, we've all experienced loss...slipping. It's a part of my blue jean life that I wanted to share with you.

8 comments:

the deKorne family said...

This made me cry. You are so sweet. Praying for a miracle for you-seriously-and happy to drive you ANYWHERE in the meantime! :) Call me if you every need coffee creamer again. I've missed you being gone all summer! Happy you're home. Can't wait to see you soon. (no pun intended.)

Kerstin said...

I'm sorry to hear of your trial. My great aunt lost her driver's license 8 years ago due to something similar. I was just talking to her last week about how hard that must be. Hang in there, we don't always understand why God hands us what he does, but he has a plan. Find comfort in that.

Thanks for sharing!

Parenting in blue jeans said...

You guys are so sweet. Thanks for sending some love my way!

Country Gal said...

Your sweet spirit and testimony of God's greatness was such a blessing to me today! God is great. He is loving. He is good and He is in control.

thediaperdiaries said...

I had no idea. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Honestly. I know there are a ton of people sending love and prayers your way.

McLaughlins said...

You are an incredible testimony of God's strength and you are dearly loved. I am praying for a miracle. In the meantime, please call if you need a ride. I'm right in the neighborhood! Thank you for sharing your journey,

cheri said...

Oh dear Jen- You are so precious and beautiful in your testimony.. Your story of trust is such a sweet fragrance of God's love and care and it touched my heart and encouraged me today. I too am praying that God will heal you.... and will heal us too.

Molly Bierens said...

Praying for you Jennifer, for healing for you and that through this trial you will see God working in your life! Thanks for sharing!