How can something so important slip by unnoticed? We've all witnessed love, friendships, money just slowly drift away. It rarely happens overnight. Instead, a little bit slips away unnoticed until one day you realize it's gone.
It's that way with me and my sight. As a teenager I noticed a change in the classroom... not quite catching all the notes on the board. I noticed the details of friend's faces fading from far away. And yet, it just seemed to fade gradually to the point that if you asked me what I can and cannot see...I can't quite articulate it. I don't know what I've lost. My world is shrinking slowly; the details were slipping away unnoticed until now.
Yesterday, I had to renew my license. I didn't pass the eye exam. It wasn't a great surprise to me. I've been seeing a specialist at U of M for years, and while they can't give me a prognosis, it seemed that things would keep deteriorating. In the last few years my family has been preparing for this step. We moved to a location where I could walk to our kid’s elementary school, church, grocery store, library...still, it feels like my wings have been clipped.
I visit the optometrist next week. As my sweet sister put it...having your vision tested by the secretary of state is like having your foot measured at Payless. Ha...that still makes me chuckle! I don't want to have false hope...but, I may earn back part of my driving privileges. I may, I may not. The truth is I don't know. If there's one thing I've worked through these last few weeks, it's that I'm not a good judge of what I can see. My sight is slipping away unnoticed by me. I don't know what I can see compared to you. Somehow, I've moved past that desperate need to drive to a desire to drive only if it's safe.
I have hope. I know that my God is big enough to give me back sight. I also know that His plan might be greater for me. While I may be focused on just achieving car pool status He might have something greater. Either way, I will still say He is great. He is loving. He is good. He is in control. He wants the best for me. Glory to God...either way.
This post may be a bit heavy....but it feels good to share. After all, we've all experienced loss...slipping. It's a part of my blue jean life that I wanted to share with you.